Behind a Smile
by CrossKeys
Summary: "You don't know what you have until it's gone."


**Inspired by Transparent Answer. Although the back stories are a little bit different to Kagerou.**

November 3, 2015

"Wow, Shade. You've gotten another perfect score on our test!" The girl said loudly to the guy beside her. She grabbed the paper from her friend and broke into a grin seeing the number '100' on Shade's paper. She gazed intently at it.

"It's nothing unusual." The boy grumbled. Slightly irritated that the girl just took his paper without permission, but he didn't mind with her taking his test paper. He was just surprised that she took it. Perfect score or not he never care about those kind of things. "It's just mere luck." He would say to Fine, every time she sees Shade's good result. Being the persistent(and good) friend she was, she always boast about Shade's score to the others.

"Just mere luck? How is that luck? No matter how much I study, I still get bad results.."

"How come.. Never mind." Shade thought it was no use to say 'how come you're in middle school?'.

'That was long ago. And she..' Shade glanced at Fine, who was still looking at his paper. She was so focused on it, reading every questions and answers thoroughly. "Hey." Fine flinched, and looked at Shade. She stared at him, wondering what he was going to say next. Shade took this as for her waiting for him what to say next. "How did you do?"

"A-ah.." Fine awkwardly chuckled, expecting him to say that. She cleared her throat before responding to him, "T-twenty one.." Fine answered, smiling shyly.

'-is still the same. She haven't changed.'

"Twenty one out of one hundred? I'm impressed, Fine. Only you would have scores like that." He sighs, shaking his head. "How are you going to enter a good college with scores like that?" He jokingly said.

Fine pouted but didn't comment to it and just smiled at him. "Then, I'll have you tutor me! You're smart, after all! Will you tutor me, Shade?"

Seeing her smile, made Shade smile too.

"Sure."

* * *

He tore the paper to shreds. The paper that had a full score on his History Test. The one Fine was happily talking about earlier. The one that made her stare at the full score.

'Coldhearted fool.'

"It's like I'm boasting about my scores.." He muttered, picking up the small piece of paper lying on the ground. The number '100' written on it. "What good will this do?"

"Shade!" Fine happily yelled behind him. Shade jolted and took a look at the girl who had just surprised him. She grinned, "Did I surprised you? Your face was priceless!" Fine teased.

He sighed, not answering her question. "Why are you here and how did you know I'm here?"

"I came to look for you! I thought you were in the rooftop so yeah, and you always come here whenever you're depressed about something." Fine smiled sadly at him.

Shade averted his gaze. "I'm not depressed."

"It's about your family, right?"

"..."

"Am I right?"

"Yeah, you're totally right. I hate how you know everything about me."

"I don't know everything about you, Shade. Like the fact that you might even be interested in computers- oops!" She covered her mouth and Shade just stared at her. She laughed awkwardly.

"Whatever you say, Fine." He smiled.

It goes the same way for Fine too, seeing Shade smile makes her smile.

* * *

November 6 2015

'She's absent today..' Was his first thought, when entering the classroom. 'For some reason, it makes me uncomfortable.' He shrugged the thoughts away and said to himself that he can survive a day without Fine. Right? Even without her sitting besides next to him doesn't make him feel lonely. Even without her smile and laugh, he can survive a day without her. It's just a day. Not forever. She won't be gone forever.

"Still.."

Shade looked up from the book he was reading and looked at Bright, who was also reading and writing something on his notebook at the same time. Bright had his glasses on, he always wear them whenever he studies, write, or do something related to school. Beside the blonde haired boy was his little sister Altezza and his friend, Rein. Rein is a very close friend of Bright. They had been childhood friends ever since they were born.

"Fine has been absent for a week now. What do you think happened, Shade? You two are close after all. You must know a thing about her absence. It's not really the same without her." He stated. Rein nodded at his statement.

"Who knows? I don't know the details myself. Our teacher doesn't even know."

"You didn't saw Fine before the day of her absence?" Rein asked. "I didn't saw her since I was at club. The same goes for Bright too."

"I saw her." Shade nodded, "in our classroom. I was about to go home but I forgot something in the gym. I happened to passed by our classroom and saw Fine. She looked focused on something, and she was spacing out. But there were no signs of sickness. Although, she was acting rather strange."

Rein sighs and drops her pencil. "I miss Fine. Her cheerful and bounciness atmosphere is what I need at the moment. Also, she's missing out a lot of school work to do. Fine will have a lot of suffering when she goes back to school. I'm worried about her. What if something bad happened to her? Ugh, I want to meet her so bad.."

"How about you three visit her?" Altezza offered.

"We all like to. But we don't know where she lives. The teachers doesn't know too." Rein answered, her voice dripping with depression.

"Oh." Altezza suddenly felt guilty for bringing her suggestion up.

"Let's go back to work." Shade said, getting a pen and notebook from his bag.

* * *

'What I told them was true. But I never said Fine was crying that day. Why was she crying?' Shade thought to himself. 'I'll never reach an answer if she isn't here and I don't even know where she live. What problems is she facing? I want to help her out..' Shade grumbled and ruffled his hair. Tired of thinking complicated thoughts. 'Even though she's persistent, annoying, always smiling, optimistic.. She's my friend. I want to help her out.'

He looked out from the window next to the vacant seat, Fine used to sit. She wasn't in school though. Just what happened? Shade must admit though he missed Fine's smile, laugh, the color of her hair, her voice, her low scores which she just chuckle at, her maroon jacket that she doesn't even wear normally and it magically doesn't fall over her shoulders and everything about her that makes Shade smile. Maybe behind that smile of hers hides something that I don't know. He thought.

'If I were able to get closer to the answer, would you be here right now?'

"Ah, Shade! Want to have lunch with us?" Bright said, waving at Shade.

"Sure." Shade grabbed his lunch box first, stood up from his seat and went over to where Bright and Rein was and sat next to them. Shade noticed that Bright's smile as he continued to listen what Rein was talking about, but Shade knew it was fake. "What are you two talking about?" He questioned.

"It's been a long time since we last hang out right?" Rein said to which Shade nodded. "So, I was planning for the four of us to hang out today after classes are over. But Fine isn't here.. But still that doesn't stop me from wanting to hang out with you guys."

"Are we planning on heading to the arcade?" Bright asked.

"Yup!" Rein chirped, clapping her hands happily. "Even if it isn't the same without Fine around, I still want to. We'll have fun in her place!"

Both boys nodded. "Okay sure. We'll go."

"Great!"

* * *

November 10, 2015

What the hell is going on?

Why are they all crying?

Shade saw flowers in his classmates hands, and they kept on sobbing. Did someone die? Who died? How did that happen? How did they know someone died? Shade was seriously confused about this, he doesn't know the reason why they're acting like that after all. He turned to take a look at the vacant seat next to mine. Fine was still absent. Rein and Bright were also absent today too. Did something happened to them? Why don't I know anything about what happened?

"I have something to announce." Their teacher said, who happened to be Fine's father. Shade, Bright and Rein went for him expecting him to give his home address but he didn't gave it to them. Since Fine moved out of the house when she entered highschool. The moment he said 'announce' made the class went crazy. Sobbing and crying.

Shade was the only one who didn't have any reaction.

Later that day, Shade found out that three of his best friends and on the same day died. November 9. The day where the three of them lost their lives. He couldn't even offer words that could cheer them up, even if he did it possibly couldn't have changed anything. Especially to Fine. Fine was the only one who committed suicide. They don't know the reason why but Shade blamed himself. Bright and Rein's deaths were unknown.

Fine kept hiding her worries and troubles behind a smile. Shade didn't even ask what was troubling her. The day when he found out Fine crying, he should have went up to her and asked her what was wrong. He should have helped her. Yet he didn't.

'I'm the worst friend they ever had.' Shade thought to himself. 'Were we.. friends? Did they thought of me as their friend?' Shade sighed and went up to the rooftop to clear his mind.

"Even though I tried to know you three. I wasn't able to help solve your problems."

The days passed by, it has been a month since their funeral. Shade didn't recognized some people during the funeral. He saw Bright, Fine and Rein's family crying hard at the funeral. When all of this as happening, he didn't have any reaction to it at all.

"Hey!" Shade snapped out of his daydreaming state and glanced at the door, to see some students beckoning for their friends to come over and have lunch with them.

This forced him to notice that everything was gone. His friends were gone, they were no longer around. Fine, Rein, and Bright weren't around him anymore. He grew more distant each day to the others, making it hard for the others to approach him.

Shade decided to go to the rooftop that day. 'Some people might have already forgotten them, and I'm still dwelling on the past.'

How can I forget about the past easily?

"If I were able to get closer to the answer, would those days continued forever?"

He laughed.

"Thinking about this is foolish."

He saw the paper that was made into a paper crane by Fine. It was originally Shade's test papaer that had a full score on it. But he didn't have any use of it and decided to give it to Fine.

Shade picked it up.

It was quiet.

There was no one in the rooftop besides him. He was the only one who always visited the rooftop. Fine drops by frequently to accompany Shade to make him feel he was not alone.

She was annoying, persistent, stupid, optimistic, was always smiling and helpful to Shade even though she had troubles herself. She always managed to cheer up Shade. "You idiot," he mumbled. "Why did you disappear without giving me a reason?" Tears rolled down his cheek and once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream.

* * *

November 4 2015

 _"What's wrong Shade?" Fine said as she sat next to Shade. While Fine was taking a walk, she saw Shade sitting on the bench near the vending machine. He looked tired. So Fine being the good friend she was, wanted to help out her best friend. After a few minutes of waiting for a response from Shade, he still didn't answer. Fine glanced at her best friend. He was sleeping. "How can he sleep while sitting? I guess that shows how tired he is.." She giggled at his sleeping face. It was rare to see Shade sleeping in school, he never skips classes and isn't always late for classes. He never got a detention and he never slept in class no matter how tired he was._

 _"Maybe I should let him sleep on my lap.."_

 _"..."_

 _"..."_

 _Shade's eyes snapped open and he was surprised to see Fine's sleeping face in front of him. He blinked. "Am I dreaming?" Shade murmured and squinted his eyes to figure out if it was really Fine. "Huh." He reached out a hand to caress her face. The sudden touch made Fine woke up._

 _"Sh-Shade?"_

 _Crap, I stuttered._

 _"You're beautiful." Shade mumbled softly. It was faint but Fine could hear it._

 _Her only reaction was: She blushed. Obviously. It was the first time someone told her that. And it was Shade who told her that, it's Shade(her first friend). Although, she feels happy that Shade thinks she's beautiful. Still, she couldn't believe it."Are you teasing me again..?"_

 _"Nah, I'm serious."_

 _"You don't usually use 'nah' are you half-asleep?"_

 _"Maybe."_

 _Fine sighed, "Just get back to sleep." She said, covering Shade's eyes._

 _"Mhm."_

 _Fine wondered if Shade saw her blushing. If he did, she would be so embarrassed she won't be able to look at him in the face. But well, what he said was more embarrassing. Whenever Shade says something when he's half-asleep it's usually true. Sometimes he can't even remember what happened during his half-asleep state, so Fine took this chance."Shade?"_

 _"Hm?"_

 _"You're handsome." She smiled, Shade wasn't able to see since Fine's hands was covering his eyes though. "You're smart, you're nice, you're kind of rude, but.. You're the first friend I made. I'm kind of glad that we met. No, I'm glad that we met." Fine beamed, she sounded so enthusiastic while talking about Shade. Her eyes softened._

 _"And.. I like you, Shade."_

 _"..."_

 _There was no answer._

 _"Oh? I guess you're sleeping now. I hope you have a good dream!" She ruffled Shade's hair._

 _"I like you too."_

 _"Yup, I know!"_

 _He chuckled, "I seriously like you."_

 _"And I like you back too."_

* * *

 **1\. I'm not good with feels so sorry if I wasn't good at it. Also, I think I'm satisfied with the ending. If I didn't give much explanations. I'm sorry about that.**

 **2\. This is inspired by Kagerou Days. (Shintarou - Shade, Ayano - Fine, Haruka - Bright, Takane - Rein) Their personalities aren't exactly the same but I did that on purpose. Sorry if they are out of character.**

 **3\. I ship FinexShade so much as much as I ship AyanoxShintaro. Smh.**

 **4\. I think I used he and she too much. And I too. Ugh.**

 **5\. My writing isn't exactly the best. Excuse me. I'm bad at describing too. If there are errors. Please point it out and I will edit that.**

 **6\. I like you all. Bye.**

 **"** once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. **" I took this from a site. Lmao, I don't know how to describe tears.**

 **AND I WILL NEVER KNOW.**

 **~Cross(xVerde)**


End file.
